Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Online Date Debate

I've debated for a long time about whether or not I wanted to divulge the fact that I have joined the world of online dating right here on my old blogarooski. I'd be lying if I said it was because I was afraid the potential dates would find it; it was more about my being embarassed that I had "stooped" so low as to online dating. I didn't want people to judge me - people who I haven't seen or spoken to in years, but have somehow stumbled onto my blog via word of mouth or just plain luck. Trust me, it happens.

Funny Friendship Ecard: You're not too good for online dating.

Anyway, I have decided to go ahead and share with you my online dating experience because it's basically over, so I don't have much to worry about anymore. And really, what do I care if you judge me, strangers on the internet?!

I joined the online dating world a little under a year ago. I felt like I needed to meet new people. I have friends (shocking...) and very good ones at that, but it's kinda hard to meet people when I'm out and about on a Friday night because a) I've usually had enough cocktails to make me easily distracted, b) my friends were/are mostly dudes with a few girlfriends thrown in the mix and c) when I'm out with my friends, I want to hang out with them, not try to meet Mr. Right!

So, it was. I paid for 1 month, and made it my goal to go on 4 dates in as many weeks. Mission accomplished! I went on 4 great first dates, only one of which I was bummed about when he didn't call for a 2nd date. After my first month on Match, I figured what the heck, what's another month! That second month was not quite as productive, so I ended my subscription and figured online dating wasn't for me.

In August, I decided I was bored and wanted something to entertain myself, so I joined OkCupid. I had heard mixed things about it and figured I would give it a try. I activated and deactivated my account more than once and went out on a handful of dates, but I was entirely unimpressed with the OkCupid clientele. I also really felt like you get what you pay for, so to speak. Because OkCupid was free, many of the people I started conversations with never actually invited me out or suggested that we should even meet, even after a few weeks of emailing/texting. I realize this is different for everyone, but you know after a couple of emails if you are interested in going out with someone, and while I am not afraid to send the first message, I do kind of expect the guy to do the first invitation. Is that too old-fashioned of me?

After talking with some friends, I re-started my Match membership a month ago. Honestly though, this time is really no different than the others have been. It provides entertainment, I've gone out on some good first dates, and even a handful of second dates, but nothing particularly promising.

I guess that really sums up how I feel about online dating. It's fun, it's entertaining, and it gets you out of the house and meeting new people and in an effort to sound as shallow as possible, it's a guaranteed free dinner! Do I think I'm going to meet someone that I date long-term via Chances are no. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to continue putting myself out there. I started online dating because I felt like I had to take my future into my own hands, and now I'm just kind of eh about it. Funny how that works, right?

I never thought I'd be one to join an online dating site. I'm outgoing, I have friends, and I have never had a problem meeting people, but like many other people I've talked to, it's really, really hard to meet people after college. So, that's where I stand. I still have another month left on my subscription but after that, I think I'm done with the online dating world. So, anyone have any single male friends? I assure you I'm not too crazy.


  1. If it makes you feel better, pretty much everyone does it here in SF. I think it's cause everyone's terribly busy, and after a certain age (for me, anyway!), you get tired of bar-hopping and making out with strangers. I haven't gone on an online date in a while but I joined okcupid a couple years ago and went out with 5 guys . . . exactly five first dates, zero second ones. I only liked one of them and was sad he didn't call. One was atrocious and I stormed out mid-date. The other three were nice enough, but no spark for me.

    I don't think you should rule it out, though--one of my coworkers (also outgoing, plenty of friends, social, etc.) just got married over Spring Break to someone she met on And my friend Meagan has been to FOUR weddings of match couples! Another girl I used to work with married someone she met on eharmony and now they have a baby and are happy as clams. It can totally work.

    Keep us posted! Sometimes online dating stories are HILARIOUS!

    Also, I think maybe you should hang out with my friend Lane. She lives in Marietta but she's in Buckhead/Midtown all the time and faces similar struggles with dating. I think you'd have fun. :) (She's my lifelong bff).

  2. There's definitely nothing wrong with online dating. I did it for a while and honestly enjoyed it. I met a few great guys, dated a couple for short periods of time, and went on some fun dates! I liken online dating to meeting people at the bar - except you actually know MORE about the person after meeting online! It's kind of a prescreen.

    The one major downside of online dating (and dating in general) is that it takes a lot of work, more emotionally than anything. There's a lot of buildup of excitement, then let down, then buildup, then let down. I think everyone needs a break after a while, and then they can go back to it or try something else.

  3. If you were writing this 10 years ago I think you would have had reason to be concerned what people would think about you doing online dating...but nowadays it's just SO commonplace. I've lost count of the number of my friends (both female and male) who use or have used online dating. It's no big deal and completely normal :)