My Thoughts on Seeing a Therapist

Taboo topics, for the win.

 

Yep, I see a therapist. I have for about 8 months now. The last time I was there she kinda-sorta tried to break up with me and I straight up told her no. I get it, she's having a baby soon and needs to figure that out and I'm not exactly high priority on her list of patients when it comes to real medical need, but she's pretty dang high on my priority list when it comes to doing real life so she isn't going to get rid of me that easily.

 

I started seeing her last December when my uncle got really sick and my family got overwhelming and my anxiety went through the roof. And we got into a sweet routine. I go in ~every 10 days, we talk for 45 minutes, she gives me some excellent perspective and I carry on with my life (and presumably she with hers.) I've told her about that pesky friendship that keeps popping back up - she's totally not a fan but she gets it, and she claims I've come a long way. She was one of the first people who knew about graduate school. I felt safe telling her because she hardly knew me then. She asked constantly about the Lenten Adventure and for the first time in 8 months, I sat in her office and sobbed a few weeks ago.

 

You may wonder how I found her... I googled. And then I called around. I knew I wanted to see a female, and I knew I was looking for someone who specialized in anxiety, relationships, and general life stuff. I also didn't really care what type of degree she had, so long as she was certified to see me as a patient. I wasn't sure the difference between a licensed counselor, LPC, LMFT, etc, and I figured it probably didn't matter so long as I found someone I clicked with. I 'interviewed' one woman to see if we'd be a good fit, but turns out she didn't take my insurance so I had to move on. My current doctor isn't particularly convenient (her hours are only 9am-5pm, so I have to take 1hr off work each week to see her) but for some reason I just felt like it worked when we first met. So we kept meeting, and a few weeks in she asked me how I felt things were going and I was honest; I felt really comfortable with her, felt like we had really established a good cadence for our appointments, and I really appreciated her perspective and oppenness with me. So we keep on keepin' on.

 

I think this happens, where people get attached to their therapists. I'm officially attached to mine. I don't particularly need her. My anxiety is under wraps mostly. My family is sane. I have a good routine that is only going to get more structured, not less. I feel appreciated and valued. But she is now part of my people. I just enjoy talking to her. I enjoy her perspective, her support, her calling me out on my antics. I like trying to predict how she will react when I tell her something. I genuinely enjoy therapy sessions because it's like talking to an unbiased friend. I think that's what it is designed for, but I also think therapy (seeing a therapist/psychologist/pyschiatrist) will be a different experience for everyone. Just like no 2 people are the same, no 2 experiences will be either.

 

So that's that - it's why I see a therapist, and why I'm not the least bit ashamed of it. No one should be. We all need somebody to talk to, who is on our side, always ready to help us stand up and be the best we can be. I'd encourage anyone who is considering it to take the leap. I was nervous at first, but it's been nothing but positive. I'll be right here cheering you on and hoping you find something and someone as wonderful and helpful as I have.

 

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Life, lately (as in, early July)

Life needs to cool it. I worked a smooth 60 hours last week, plus had a holiday thrown in. Busiest week of work since I started in 2010, and we were 1 team member short for most of the week, AND I was on my own Friday. Exciting, fun, but stressful and exhausting. I am hoping for a little less excitement this week but considering I'm flying to Boston Monday and returning Tuesday, I think the excitement levels will still soar. I guess this makes up for the (few and far between) weeks that I say "things are so quiet, I'm getting so much done!"

Good news though, we're officially halfway through 2013 and I'm officially halfway to my goal to read 50 books this year. I'm going to try to step it up a notch in July, because I think school may get in the way of reading during the second half of the year. Just a hunch...

Speaking of school, Orientation/classes start August 5! Can't believe it. I am going to try to squeeze some sort of trip in between now and then, but I'm not sure I can swing it. I am not a very good solo traveller, and I was having a hard time finding anywhere to go that was both in my budget and would be fun for me by myself. I was looking at Caribbean all-inclusive resorts and then found Anamaya Resort. Fingers crossed it works out! If not, I guess I'll just have to wait until Colombia later this fall and spend as much time as I can at the lake in the meantime!

Also, I started and then stopped kind of, sort of dating someone. He was great at first pass, pretty good at second pass, and then the wheels kind of fell off. I was willing to give it a go, but he had some pretty serious personal stuff to work out and apparently I'm not cut out for that. All's well that end's well, and now I know that while musicians can be H-O-T, they may not be my 'type.' And good teeth are still up there as top 3 qualities in a man.

Looking at my calendar over the next few weeks, maybe I don't need a vacation. Maybe instead what I need is a stay-cation and to catch up with friends that I've been missing. I've got several things scheduled over the next few weeks that I think will leave me feeling rejuvenated and fulfilled. People I haven't seen in months (or years!), or haven't spent real time with, or who I've only seen in passing and said, "hey!" before running to whatever is next.

 

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The rest of 2013

 

When I find images for blog posts, I usually search a "__ + tumblr" because I guess that's where all the good pictures are. As I was exploring for a different post, I came across this image, and thought it would be fun to talk about all the things we want. Plus, we're halfway through the year, so why not reflect on some of the resolutions we made in January? What do you want for the rest of 2013?

 

I want to throw a surprise party. I want to fall in love. I want to save money. I want to continue to make my parents proud. I want to take another incredible, inspiring trip. I want to stop picking at my fingernails. I want to be with all my best friends in one place, and take a picture. I want to donate blood. I want to thank the people who mean the most to me. I want to hire someone to work with me. I want to get all A's, and I want all the kids at school to like me!

 

What do you want? What are you dreaming of? What would make 2013 the best year ever?

 

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Summer Weekends

This past weekend was the kind of weekend I dream about. It was as close to perfect as a weekend involving a hangover could get.

 

On Friday I spent the afternoon working outside on our patio. I put a sign up on my door pointing folks to where they could find me and parked it. It was breezy, shady, and the perfect temperature.

Late Friday afternoon, I spent the happiest hours at the bar in a nearby restaurant drinking wine and flirting with the cute bartender before a delicious dinner with some of my favorite friends/colleagues/posse.

Lots of wine on the table. Lots of empty wine glasses on the table. Home before 11pm and somehow still managed a full-fledged hangover Saturday.

 

I powered through, won my mixed doubles tennis match in 2 sets, and headed up to the lake to see my family for Father's Day. I think the last time we spent a Father's Day on the lake was when I was in high school. To say my dad was excited might be an understatement.

Sunday I came home early (but not before daddy opened his present - a new business school tshirt!) to play another tennis match. Kicked butt on the court for the second time this weekend and raced home to meet my friend for lunch. We went back to the restaurant where the cute bartender works and enjoyed a delightful afternoon on a patio in Midtown. I also learned plenty about him. There may not be relationship potential but he's a pretty fun Mr. Right Now (if Mr. Right Now means I make every effort to walk by the restaurant as many times a day as possible without being weird and hoping he sees me).

 

We got manicures and pedicures, laughed until our sides hurt, and then I came home and ate vegetables for dinner before settling into bed, texting ET about how great my weekend was, and crashing until I opened my eyes on Monday morning. Perfect, perfect, perfect in every single way.

2013

2012, you taught me things and offered me experiences that I never could have imagined. 2 weeks in Australia, 2 years at my beloved job, a lake house that I have dreamed about, relationships that made me laugh and cry, trips across the country and around the world in all directions. What a journey, in only 365 short days.

 

2013, I am so excited for you. I'm making a new 101 in 1001 list - stay tuned. I've got 3 international trips in the works, 4 weddings already on the books, and a job that will take me wherever I want to go. There are questions that remained unanswered, friends to dream with, and adventures to be shared.

 

I want to fall in love this year. I want to know myself. I want to spend on what's important to me and save on what's not. I want to keep my fingers and toes painted and my hair done and decrease the number of days I spend on the couch. In 2013, I want to open my eyes to the world around me and explore.

 

It all feels so whimsical, so light and airy and fluffy. That is my hope and dream for 2013 - live on a whim, be whimsical.

 

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