Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Men are scum (and why I'm trading in dating for running in 2014)

My dating life has admittedly been all over the place and for the most part, non-existent.

I don't really have the time (bogus excuse), but more than that I'm just not making the time - I feel like I've been dating forever. It's so low on the priority list, I honestly almost forgot about it. Sure, I had an active profile on a couple dating sites over the course of the last 12 months, but it was really nothing more than that and I think I managed a grand total of 6 or so dates. I guess that makes what I am about to share even more surprising.
I debated whether or not to tell this story. I know the person read this blog, looks at (or looked at?) my Instagram and Twitter accounts. My whole, unimportant, lame life is out there for the world to find, but I guess he should have known that when he started all of this. All is fair in love and war, or something like that?
It started out innocently enough with Tinder, if that can be perceived as innocent. But I pinky-promise, I use it just like I use any other dating site. He messaged me, we started chatting, things went quiet, and a couple weeks later I picked it back up again. We started talking all day, every day, about every thing. Past relationships, family, work... you name it. Most of it was pretty superficial, but every now and then we got pretty deep and someone revealed maybe a little more than they intended.
We exchanged phone numbers, texted, sent selfies and stupid pictures of nothing and everything, and finally, finally, our schedules synced up and we made plans to go for lunch. Long story short, I showed up and he didn't. I knew deep down in my gut when I left work that day to meet him that something wasn't right, so I hardly waited 10 minutes for him at the restaurant. I called him, got his voicemail. He'd been out partying the night before and already texted me about what a mess he was that morning, so figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Life's hard when you are 32 and still crashing on friend's couches...
But I realized in his voicemail I had stumbled across a little gem of information I didn't have previously - his last name! So of course what do I do, I look him up on Facebook. And what do I find?
A profile picture including his wife and baby.  
So, there's that. Of course that was a dealbreaker (understatement of the day?) but I was interested to see how he handled this, so I let it play out. He gave me some half-assed excuse and a half-assed apology and I just didn't drop it. After this message on Saturday night: "I owe you big, Katie. I'm a guy and prone to goofing up and making mistakes and doing dumb things. I'm sorry.", I decided I'd had enough and I immediately quipped back, "Do you say the same thing to your wife?"
I just can't even, on so many levels. That he could take something that could have been so good (online dating) and turn it in to something so bad. That he could basically tell me that I am not worth anything more than someone else's seconds. I invested time and feelings. Let's be real, I never met the dude so I wasn't that invested, but multiple weeks of talking all day, every day sure does wear a girl down. All for nothing - worse than nothing! All for someone who was already spoken for. Douchebag.
I guess after quite a few forays into online dating I can finally say I have had one of those horrific online dating experiences we all hear about. Thanks pal.


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