My friend Roxxy* is the best internet stalker I know. She found out that a man she was dating was in fact a divorcee who wasn’t exactly telling the truth because it was all for the world to see on the internet. She helped me (although to no avail) find the person in my life that I still refer to as “the perfect man”…although he was far from perfect.
And now Roxxy has put her internet sleuthing to more good use. She & I share a love for a few blogs. One blogger in particular, Amanda*, really bugs Roxxy. Why? Because she has revealed very few details about her love life. She won’t specifically name her boyfriend, but instead refers to him with a nickname. This drives Roxxy insane. Like, can’t sleep at night because she’s trying to solve the mystery of who they are insane. Roxxy has already identified Amanda’s best friend as the ex-girlfriend of Roxxy’s ex-love interest based on some pictures Amanda posted, some Facebook stalking, and a few discrete text messages. I’m telling you – Roxxy's good.
So today, we are discussing various blogger’s lives over gchat as per usual (we need to get lives) when all of the sudden the conversation takes this direction: (my comments in italics)
Roxxy: oh have you figured out who amandas boyfriend is? (best friend? we already determined this rox, keep up)
Katie: haha no
Roxxy: i totally did some stalking yesterday morning (fyi yesterday was a Sunday)
Katie: hahahahaha, who is it?
Roxxy: jeff* the guy she met when she went there
Roxxy: his name is jeff west*
Katie: how the EFF did you figure that out
Roxxy: i remember someone saying his name in a comment so i kept googling (this comment was probably last year)
Roxxy: i thought his name was actually jeff east*
Roxxy: then i remembered her briefly mentioning him 4 years ago on her old blog that no one knows about but i found** (of course you did)
Roxxy: i found out it was jeff west
Katie: you are such an internet extraordinairre
Katie: is he cute?
Roxxy: so i googled him, found out he was from china***, through that found his twitter
Roxxy: matched up that their celebration was exactly when she made poop sandwiches****
Roxxy: also he twittered from china the exact times she dropped and picked up "the little monster" from the airport right around their celebration (i can picture her going back and forth, matching exact times, feeling tears of elation as she has solved the mystery)
Katie: OH. MY. GOD.
Katie: you are a FREAK OF INTERNET NATURE.
Roxxy: im crazy but i HAD to know
Roxxy: theres a picture
Katie: oh he’s cute
Roxxy: yeah not my type but i mean good job amanda
*all names have been changed to protect the innocent (and stalked)
**situation has been exaggerated for humor’s sake
***location changed to match my inspiration for jeff west’s name
****this might be the best clue of the whole post if you are really trying to figure out who’s blog Roxxy actually stalked