Yep, I'm about to write ~300 words about roasting a chicken.
You start out with this:
You unwrap it. You wash your hands of chicken juice 9843920 times. Gross.
You pull all the really really gross stuff out and put it down the drain as quickly as humanly possible.
Confession: I bought a chicken and then froze it, and it was about 95% defrosted when I wanted to put it in the oven, and the innards were the part still frozen. Let me tell you - frozen innards are SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT than slimy, thick, thawed innards. Gross.
After the innards have been removed, place the chicken on a plate. (I'm kicking myself for not photographing this entire process, but at the time I was consumed with the thought of chicken juices getting on my brand freaking new, hasn't even left my house camera).
I haven't tried this method yet, but I basically have become obsessed with How Sweet It Is, so I took all of her chicken roasting recipes and combined them into one and went to town. Here's to hoping it turns out.
So first you cut up an onion and put it on the bottom of a pan. Then you shove a lemon & a head of garlic up where the chicken's sun don't shine. I didn't have a lemon & I peeled my garlic and put a bunch of individual cloves in. I also didn't have a whole onion, so I cut my onions a little...thin. Again, we'll see what happens.
Then, I returned to the chicken on a plate and drenched the chicken in olive oil on one side. Then sea salt, then black pepper. Then I flipped the chicken over and repeated.
Place chicken on top of onions. Wash hands. Then wash hands again. Place chicken, on top of onions, in pan, in the oven which was preheating to 425 degrees this whole time.
Leave it there for 90 minutes or so and don't mess with it unless you are in the middle of writing a blog post and decide it's absolutely vital that you take pictures of the dang bird. Then and only then may you open the oven.
The end. The chicken turned out fantastically. My absolute favorite part about roasting a chicken is all the leftovers - you can do anything with them! Chicken Tortilla soup, chicken & egg burritos, chicken tacos, chicken salad...the options are endless!
So don't be afraid of roasting a chicken - just do it! It's a piece of cake!