I was cleaning up my cell phone contacts last night and came across my grandma's contact information. I felt paralyzed. My heart physically ached. It's not the first time this has happened. I pulled out my phone in the car the other day because I had some time to spare and planned to call my grandma. The realization that I couldn't do that literally stopped me in my tracks. I'm not going to delete her contact information just yet. It just doesn't seem right, so instead when I see it, or when I feel the pull to talk to her, I'll close my eyes or look up and know she's there, thinking of me and cheering me on.
To Those I love and Those Who Love Me
When I am gone release me, let me go
You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears,
Be thankful for our many beautiful years.
I gave you my love.
You can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you each have shown,
but now it's time I traveled alone.
So grieve a while for me if grieve you must;
then let your grief be comforted by trust.
It's only for a time that we must part;
so bless the memories within your heart.
I won't be far away, for live goes on.
So if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can't see or tough me, I'll be near;
and if you listen with your heart,
you'll hear all my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone, I'll great you with a smile and say "Welcome Home."
There is not really much of a point to this post other than to do a little grieving through writing. And to tell my grandma that I miss her, I think about her often, and I know she's watching. I think my heart will keep hurting, but I guess that's to be expected.